the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
