You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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