I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
