just tell him i said nine months
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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