Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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