according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
