That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
