Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
