He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
