my mouth tastes like poor choices
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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