Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
