Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
