i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
