I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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