i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
