the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
