you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
