i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
