sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
