What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize