oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
