if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
