**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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