i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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