Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
