woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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