Tell her she can't have a vagina
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
