I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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