My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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