Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
