A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
