i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
