so explain again why im purple
no
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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