Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
