real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
