It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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