last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
