so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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