i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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