don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I have peed in a lot of sinks
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
