smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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