is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
