Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
