So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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