Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
