Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
