Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize