Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
