We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
