Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
