I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize