he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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