The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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