Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We left the knife in your bed.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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