I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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