Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
