So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
