Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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