If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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