She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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