bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
