I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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