my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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