dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
