If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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