Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
