..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
