I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
