No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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