i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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