Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize