I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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