At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
