He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
should my penis look like a turkey
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
