I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
