I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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