Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
