What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
