i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
