Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
