I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
