pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
