All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
