All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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