new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The uberlube is also flammable
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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