I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
