ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You pole danced in your parka.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
