I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
