put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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