Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We named our party play list daddy issues
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
