i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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