well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My vagina just recognized that song.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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