you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
