Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
