Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
