OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I need moral support for this bender
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
