yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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