Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
