Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
