covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
