There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
