I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
