question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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